I was fantasizing thinking overnight, how much fun it would be if the President of the United States was Ricky Ricardo. Not so much for what this ex-Cuban could do for them Cubans or us Yankees, but for the daily news, capturing the wacky wild escapades of First Lady Lucy Ricardo.

Washington- (AP) First Lady Lucy Ricardo today was seen in the Senate Chamber, arguing with the Senate Finance committee chairman, stressing that she needed more money for visits to the beauty salon. When told that the U.S. budget did not hold enough money for that kind of service, Mrs. Ricardo revealed she was indeed wearing a burlap bag dress, and paper sack shoes. The fun though, was just beginning....

Couldn't ya just love having a ditzy redhead in the White House? yeah, me too.
*************************
Tick tock

tick tock

tick tock

tick tock

tick tock
that is how time is wasted.

Posted by Wendell L. Scotchpoodle. Not the Localmalcontent

Two boys are playing football at this park in a small Oklahoma town, when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler.

Thinking quickly, the other boy takes a stick and shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, thus saving his friend.

A local sports reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. He tells the boy he's going to write the story and says, "I'll title it 'Young Sooner Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal'".

"But I'm not a Sooner fan", the little hero replies.

"Sorry, since we're in Oklahoma, I just assumed you were", says the reporter and he starts writing again. He asks "How does 'OSU Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack' sound?"

"I'm not an OSU fan either", the boy says.

"Wow, I thought everyone in Oklahoma was either for the Pokes or the Sooners. What team do you root for?", the reporter asks.



"I'm just visiting my cousin, I'm a Texas Longhorn fan!" the boy replies. "They're just the best!"

The reporter smiles, starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes:

"Little Longhorn Bastard From Texas Kills Beloved Family Pet".

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^



A first grade teacher in Austin, Tx, explains to her class that she is a Longhorn fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Longhorn fans.

Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl...

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, " Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Longhorn fan, " she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked "Well, if you are not a Longhorn fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I am an Oklahoma Sooner fan!" Janie replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, WHY are you a Sooner fan?"

"Because my Mom is a Sooner fan, my Dad is a Sooner fan, so I am a Sooner fan also."

"Well" said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be an Oklahoma Sooner fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all the time. What if your Mom was a snotty, arrogant jackass and your Dad was a snotty, arrogant jackass, what would you be then?"



"Then" Janie smiled,"We'd be Longhorn fans."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

What does an UT graduate say to an OU grad?....Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?



How do UT grads park in the Handicap parking?
They stick their diploma on the front windshield.



How many UT football players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. But he gets three credit hours, a new car, and about $5,000 in cash for it.



How do you keep an UT student busy for a month?
Give him a package of M & M's and tell him to alphabetize them.



A UT grad wanted to get in the cattle business so he went out and bought a cow. After about 6 months a buddy asked him how it was going and he said, "I still don't have any calves yet". Another 2 or 3 months pass and the same friend ask again how it was going and he said, "I still don't have any calves yet". The buddy told him he needed a bull.
So the UT grad took his cow to the auction and bought a bull.



A Texas grad is driving home from work when his cell phone rings. He answers and his wife says "honey just wanted to warn you and let you know that I am watching the news and some idiot is driving on the wrong side of the interstate."

The UT grad then replied " honey I am already on my way home, but your wrong it is not one idiot but hundreds of them."



Albert Einstein goes to a party. He introduces himself to a lady and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?"
"240," she says.
"Great, we can discuss the mysteries of the universe and other things. We have a lot we can talk about " he replies.
Later he is talking with a man and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?"
"145," he replies.
"Great, we can talk about thermodynamics," says Albert.
Later he is talking to another man and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?
"43," the man manages to say.
Einstein gets a puzzled look on his face for a minute then says, "How about them Longhorns?"



Do you know why UT installed artificial turf on their field?
To keep the homecoming queens from grazing on the ground, but now they can't keep the groundskeeper from mowing it.

Posted by Wendell L Scotchpoodle, NOT by The Localmalcontent

Wow, I tried a whole new recipe tonight for my supper, and it was just SOooo good, I had to share it with all 3 of you readers.

Here is the delicious -ness recipe:

Take 4 slices of plain white bread;
4 slices of garlic balogna (I like "Bar-S" brand, because they give me coupons for it);
One ripe tomato from the garden;
One yellow Onion;
2 teaspoons of Kraft sandwich spread, the spicy variety;
Approximately 8 ounces of sweetened, iced tea;
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Slice 5 slices (longways) from garden tomato, and
slice 2 slices (longways) from yellow onion, too, and place to one side:
Open jar of sandwich spread, removing one teaspoon of spread at a time, and
smear allover either one or two slices of white bread;
Repeat, with the other two slices of white bread.
Place one slice of onion on one slice of bread;
Repeat, with another slice of white bread.
Cut one of the tomato slices in half, and then
place exactly 1-1/2 tomato slices onto a slice of white bread, ON TOP of onion slice;
Repeat exactly for the other onioned slice of white bread.
Apply two (2) slices of Bar-S garlic balogna ON TOP of tomato slices;
Repeat exactly with the remaining two (2) slices of garlic balogna.
Pour approximately 8 ounces of sweetened iced tea into tall glass or plastic cup.

Here is the trick, now: PLACE THE UNADORNED SLICES OF PLAIN WHITE BREAD
ONTO THE GARLIC BALOGNA, thus making a "Sandwich".

Now, along with a paper towel, take the "Sandwiches", and the cupped iced-tea to your pre-assigned, plastic-covered seat cushion, usually found in front of your television set.
**(Television set may be replaced by a computer screen with no problems)

Serves 1 person.

Go away now, I am deep into experimentation mode with twice this recipe's ingredients!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
On a separate topic, if you also are homophobic, avoid "Oscar Meyer" brand bologna.
WHY???

Because their bologna has a "first name", (it is O-S-C-A-R)
Their bologna has a "last name" too, (it is M-E-Y-E-R)
This is clearly a sexual inuendo, don't you see it too?
YUCKKK!
[My bologna has a first name, too, it's _-_-_-_] ....
Now do you get it? You should be worried, worried just like I am.

posted by Wendell L Scotchpoodle, NOT The Localmalcontent!

Seeing as how you didn't ask, I want to tell you about my California kinfolk.

They are some good, upright and important people, despite their living in Satan's livingroom, there.

One of my nieces works for a candy company, where she paints gumballs by hand, 10 hours a day. She paints em blue, red, yellow, green, pink, orange, purple, magenta, ocher, brown, silver, black, gold, fuschia and white. She got these little bottles of food coloring all laid out if front of her, along with a conveyor belt where the little grey gumballs ride past. She picks up each one and then grabs the proper paintbrush, dips it into the proper little jar of food coloring, and goes to town on them gumballs.

I got another family relation out there, only he's not as smart as the gumball painter. He is damned good lookin' however, and he is into makin' moving pictures. Act-tor, he is; He did his little job on a very popular TV show, back in the 1960s, back when TV was worth watchin'!
He jumped around alot on this show, did a little singing, did a little romancin', too. A "heart-throb", to use his words.

I got another fella whut's related to me, and he is a good speaker. He can really tell you whut for, on that Public TV show he talks on. He is a "Narrator". That is because he has good hair.

And then there's a cupple of other ladies, who admit to bein' kin to me: One is an IN-vent0r-- she invented that stuff you wipe onto screwups, makes em go away, like they disappear, too. Then you wipe your hands onto your trouser legs, and the goop does NOT go away, nor does it disappear. She made about a million bucks from that, I reckon.

And last of all, there is the jewel of the family, who lives in California, on the beach somewhere.
She can tell people (ANYONE SHE WANTS) to take off all their clothing, and they have to do it. Otherwise, they do not get what they want. NOW, how's that for a claim to fame?

Bye. Go Away while I eat my supper. Biscuits an' mustard, uhha-humm.

Posted by Wendell L Scotchpoodle, NOT The Localmalcontent

I am forced by this Blogger format to confess something:

I am The Localmalcontent. Most of the time. I carry on with politics and all sorts of raging Muslim hormones on that blog; rants really. Why, it is no wonder that after having over a month free from the nagging Internet, I fantasized during that time about having a nutty, off-the-wall blog as well.

One called "Krazy Talk From Krazy Town". A spin on something I heard Homer Simpson say.

One which would allow me to further explore my delusional sidedish, while enjoying my main entree of psychosis and gravy.

'Blogger' won't let me make distinctions between the two: Here, I am Wendell L. Scotchpoodle, or even my other altered-ego, Mr. Cephas Dovegargle. He's cool, you'll like him.
But noooooo, I have to be one person, one person only, serving two blogs.
When I am here, I am less... you know, Malcontent.

So I hear that the Burger King and the Dairy Queen had to get hitched-- seems that they had a little Jack-in-the-Box, snicker snicker. Reckon that they'll live in a White Castle?
Nothing says Lovin' like somethin in the oven!

Later--

I am Michael Jordan.... shwoosh! I am Michael Jordan.... shwoosh! I am Michael Jordan.... shwoosh! I am Michael Jordan.... shwoosh! I am Michael Jordan.... shwoosh! I am Michael Jordan.... shwoosh! I am Michael Jordan.... shwoosh!

Ok, I am NOT Michael Jordan.... airball!

So it's a lie to say that believing something so much can make it so. I dare YOU to use the word "so" three times or more in a sentence.

I am Wendell L. Scotchpoodle.... so! I am Wendell L. Scotchpoodle.... so! I am Wendell L. Scotchpoodle.... so!?

Am I the only person who just really loves to have stupid, pointless and absurd dreams? I just awoke from a doozie. I dreamed that I was lying on the ground, outside a big hotel, at night, in a city I have never been to. Must've been a Southern city, like Miami or Rome or Rio de Janerio.
Wasn't Miami, cause I have been there, but it seemed warm at night there. Maybe San Diego. But I been there, too. I did some weird stuff, like peek into some of the windows into people's hotel rooms, but then a group of boy scouts or something like them were marching by, and two or three of these kids ran over and hid on the side of the hill where I was also hidden. But I was really clever, and rolled up into a ball, and these kids never even saw me, even though they were right next to me! Then I reached into the hotel window and grabbed some guy's wallet right out of his trousers and ran off, counting the money within.

There ought to be a word which describes a compound word or phrase that defines it as something which both poses a problem, AND proposes it's own solution.
Like "oxymoron", which describes a compound word where a rhetorical figure in which incongruous or contradictory terms are combined, as in "a deafening silence".

Cause I have the compound word, just lacking another word to describe it: Political Suicide

It's a play on words. I spend alot of mental energy contemplating plays on words.
Or hadn't you noticed?
Perhaps you noticed instead that I dislike politicians.

More of my wasted, mental energy exposed for all to see later! Bye!

Posted by Wendell L Scotchpoodle, NOT The Localmalcontent

Now I have no idea what would be the worst job in the world-- have you?

But "logic" dictates that there must be one job, or one job title, which is the very worst in the world. You hear people all the time claim that they have " the Best Job in the World", so does it make you wonder too, like me, what would be the worst job ever?

So here's what I'm thinkin: It would have to be a downright demeaning duty, and it would have to be nasty to the point that if it was your job, you would wretch and vomit before, during and then after.

Let's move forward with the demeaning part here: Say, you work for Queen Elizabeth II, or for Fidel Castro, or for some other higher-and-better-than-everyone-else type. And let's imagine also that this magnificent Lord or Lady has someone who does absolutely everything for them, so's that they never have to even lift a finger.
Well, even these types have to go to the bathroom sometimes, am I right?

I think the very worst job in the world would have to go to the person who's job it is to wipe that Royal Butt. Or more.

My first blog entry. On what I think would be the worst job in the world. There is nowhere to go from here, but up.
Till my next blog entry, Goodbye!

Posted by Wendell L Scotchpoodle, NOT The Localmalcontent.